I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
