Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
