Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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