He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
