Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
