before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
