We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
