yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
