Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
