ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Everclear isn't food dammit
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