as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
