I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Yo dont text me then not text me
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
