Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
