proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
