Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Randomize
