Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
