I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
