At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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