why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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