I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Say something about gay babies.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
