why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
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It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
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the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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