We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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