You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
