Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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