we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
ttyl tear gas
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
