Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize