Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
