so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
