literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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