question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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