A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
