I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
