dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
