how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
