what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I faked an abortion last night.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
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Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
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she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
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