I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
