And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
