I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
