she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
