its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
