I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
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