I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
