I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
