Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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