We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
i think im in europe. pls send help
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
