Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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