Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize