Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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