We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
