he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
