I want to make a zoo with you.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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