Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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