Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
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i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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