I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
