Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
