Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
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