i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
