someone threw a dead crab at me
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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