if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
