So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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