I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
