Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
