Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
