And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
