2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize